How I started winning : to someone really dear

 

 The other day, a dear friend became very sad. She was saddened by the woes and troubles of life. Then, she said to me, "Ugoo, Ike agwugom(I am tired)". She told me this through a chat, but I could imagine just how she looked - barely 20, beautiful, innocent, fragile. 

She, amongst all the good persons I ever met simply seems to have it all. She was as naturally good as she was intelligent; a soul of the first class order.

The first day she told me, "meet you at the top" (That was the day she wrote her first freelance job), something happened to my heart. It skipped a bit. Now, don't think my heart skipped because I was jealous or envious or anything close to that...no, I wasn't; would never had been. The skipping of my heart has more to do with the simplicity of her thoughts. Yes, it was more because I have experienced enough success-related heartaches to know that "the top" is a not so far but yet a very far journey.

I was worried for her sake, worried that when she meets the cruel part of life, she might be broken. But there was nothing I could do. I didn't want to cut short her happiness, and so I also replied her back, "Yes baby, see you at the top". 

Then, all of a sudden, things began to dwindle. The work she was trying to learn at a bakery was not giving her what she needed. All her connects in UPWORK platform were gone without any other job. To make the matter worst, the first and only 5 dollars she had made from her debut freelance job became a history. She used it to buy more connects. 

We kept our hands crossed, hoping against hope that things would get better; but, nothing happened. It infact got worst, because the whole new connects she bought got finished again without a single job. It was painful, and when she said to me, "Ugoo, Ike agwugom", I could understand her tears. Above any other thing, I wished there was something for me to do to assuage her pains...

But, what is there to do when I myself isn't even having it any better? With all the big blows life has been dealing me, where was I to get the words from which to create those beautiful rays of hope in my dear friend? 

I thought about it for a while and I knew there was only a thing to do - write. For everyone that has really known me well, my choosing to write in place of talk wouldn't actually be surprsing, because of course, they would have also known that I am more a woman of letters than I am of spoken words. Aye, that's how much I love writing. Deny me the previledge to write, and that would mean denying me of everything. For to write is to give life; and for one to give life, there has to be that naked power. The sole ability to create. 

Well, I asked her if I could write her something on my blog, She said yes. 

At first, I was excited to have something written about my friend, but then another problem ensued. What was I to write? Should I write to flatter her or should I write to tell her the truth? 

 

You know, I would have love to make her feel good with all the flowery words I can place my hands on; would have loved to colour the pages of my book with wonderful metaphors flowing systematically through my ink...

But, life's cruel sting is such that allows no room for colourful words. 

And so thus I picked my pen and said: 

Sweetheart, I need you to know, this me you see right now have been at that point where you just hate everything and anything. A point where you hate yourself, you hate life, and you hate God. I know, for someone, who had been as religious as I am, it's hard to think I would do this. But I did it. Infact at some point, I even thought death was better. However, what saved me was literally my fear of pain (lolz, this is quite sadly funny, but it's true). I couldn't hurt myself, so killing myself was out of the question. 

People tried to preach to me countless times, but that didn't work. The more you preached, the more I hated to hear anything, because the situation was still all pretty the same. As long as I was not seeing changes, I didn't want to hear any more thing about prayers or hope. I was totally devasted. 

Yet, have I died? No. Have my life been any better since then? Certainly yes! How then did this happen? Very simple! I realized one thing, and that was - no one has it all figured out.

This reality changed everything. It changed my view of life, the workings of mind and definitely the condition of my life (though this last one hasn't changed so much, but I know it will). Sure, it is true that I am still not "up", but significantly, there has been a difference in the way things used to work. It's no longer the usual business of failure, hopelessness and cowardice. 

 I became daring, fearless and hopeful. I no longer cared if I gained or lost because I came to understand that the greatest of all people everywhere didn't have any single thing planned out. Some or most of them have had a different dream growing up. What they are today, whether a musician, a footballer, an artist, a writer, a doctor or anything at all were all a result of trying. Some of them tried a whole lot of different things before finding the one that worked for them. While the others kept trying the same thing until it worked for them. So, why can't I do the same? Why should I be afraid of failing? Of course, we can't really win all the time. Hence, if I fail, I will cry, dry my tears and move on, because I know that without these failures at different stages of our lives, we would never become perfect. No one ever became a specialist of anything by sitting one place and folding his or her hands. You only become perfect from practice. Thus, the reason we have the popular maxim of "practice makes perfect". 

Well, What am I trying to say? I am saying that life has no manual. So, once you see yourself here, you start trying; you start exploring, because you know why? Once you are born, the time has started ticking. Your life span has already been calculated and activated. It is left for you to see this place as some adventure hub and use whatever you can within your own limited time, or you sit around, pin yourself in one place and die without haven done a single thing, which would mean you had only succeeded in living the most useless life ever. 

Nonetheless, do bear in mind that definitely, these troubles would come. It doesn't matter if you sit around doing nothing or if you go about doing something. As long as this space is concerned, they are just naturally there; from the hunger you feel every day, to the different troubles you encounter every now and then. This is why we are mortals. Never free from troubles till we die. If you decide to sit around for fear of failing or troubles, you are never going to get anything done. 

So Baby, if you try and fail, try again, and try again, and try again until you get to that "top". 

Plus, do not ever think the 'top' has been reserved for some special people, because the truth is, it's never so. I always say to people that the sky is wide enough to contain every single star. Hence, if flying is what you want to do, don't bother yourself, the sky would be wide enough for all of us to fly at the same time.

Finally my love, do always remember that you too can do it. Nobody, and I repeat, absolutely nobody has it all figured out. All you have to do is to keep trying, and in due time, things would work out just perfectly fine. 

Much love, 

From Ugoo.