THE BORDERLINE OF SANITY

The borderline of sanity is wide and slippery. It is daunting and daring. It roars at you, and cajoles you. It dares you at every point in time, in every little thing; it reminds you every single event of things - things assumed forgotten, things supposed taken care of - and all these efforts, just in a bid to trap you in.  

In the last weeks of May, I met a friend at a Neuropsychiatric Hospital. They have crossed this border and back. My friend, they are the type I would refer to as, according to their words, "close but not close. We know each other, yet we don't." The first time they called out to me from where they sat, I thought I heard my name, but I didn't answer because I was sure no one knew me here. The second time they called me, I looked towards where the name came from, but did not see. But then I looked even farther, and someone was running towards me, a familiar face - albeit unusually now lean - one that has been on my mind for sometime, especially since they left the class group chat, and their line has not being reachable. 

When I saw them, my heart both leaped and broke. More than anything, I was grateful to the powers that be for the opportunity to see them at a time I was worried sick about them. But for their condition, and being too occupied with my own troubles to help, I was broken. 

This friend, we were classmates. And while in school, they had a tough life. They were intelligent, even incredibly talented. But they would talk about things like they didn't matter; talk down on exam, on school...

In every sense of it, they tried to survive, and cope, including using measures most Nigerians would see as unconventional.     

Sometimes when the world becomes too much with them, they withdraw. Other times, they throw tantrums online. Rebelling was like their second name. They rebelled against stereotypes, society, religions. But let's say this is only because they are artist. For in seeking understanding, the artists are usually known to question. Yet, though the artist has to question to understand, the truth remains that the act of rebelling is mostly birthed from a depth of despair. Nobody whose life is in order is happy to bring chaos to it.

I remember that in our school days, people who knew little of them thought they are who they are by choice. They are just crazy and support only crazy ideas, and for this they are criticized harshly.

Because they tried to cope, and dared to be strong, some assumed they had everything under control. Meanwhile, the reality was that while people were busy criticising them, and offering no single help, these things were actually piling up in their subconscious; eating away at them slowly. All the hardships, the failures, the substances for coping. All of people's hostilities. And it was only a matter of time before they caved-in and ended up in a Neuropsychiatric hospital. 

In the meantime, I can't tell if they are still there or not. However, what I can tell is, that while they are busy fighting for their life, there are quite people, friends actually, who know nothing of their situation and are still busy keeping records of what they did and what they did not. 

Now, the thing we call sane is insane to some, I am aware, the insane to some sane to us. Yet in the hierarchy of a mind troubled, a heart bleeding, we are almost made one. Thus, in this, the question is no longer whether or not a thing is sane, but rather, how much contribution do you, in your sanity make to the betterment of people's heart and mind? To what extent do you give people the benefit of doubt? To what level do you try to excuse people's behavior when passing harsh judgement? 

Don't get me wrong, I am not not saying, "condone wrong doings because you don't know what the person is passing through." I am only saying, in all we do, let's be more kinder. People are going through so much. So much more than you can imagine. 

To my friend who this writing is for, I hope you are better wherever you are. I look forward to when we meet again in a far better condition. 

And to you my dear readers, I hope you are prioritizing your mental health above anything? 

 

Ka emesia nụ. One love. ❤️🌹